Co-Regulation Strategies
One of my favorite, if not favorite, topics to talk about is co-regulation - how we are managing our own regulation while interacting with children. Oftentimes, when a child is dysregulated in some capacity, we focus on their dysregulation and give little attention to our own. The interesting this is that we are only in control of ourselves, and that is where our power lies as well. I love to practice co-regulation strategies (listed below) and then show up in those challenging moments. When we take care of ourselves and keep ourselves in that regulated-state when a child is having a difficult moment, that is really when we can have positive influence over that situation. That also teaches the child how to regulate - seeing an adult who knows how to manage all their emotions, especially the tricky ones. It is also powerful to hold your own self-alignment in difficult situations and not give that alignment away because of the situation in front of you. This can be difficult work, but I find the most meaningful and effective in the long-term.
Co-Regulation Strategies:
Spending some time with yourself first thing in the morning. I used to wake up 10-15 min before I needed to for some quiet time with myself.
“Pre-paving" how you want to feel: practice feeling the way you want to feel before you enter a situation that may be challenging emotionally for you.
Choose what to focus on: We get what we focus on, wanted or unwanted! I try to minimize how much attention I give to non-preferred behaviors, and look more for the behaviors that I want to see when working with children.
Deciding in advance what you will be ok with (and not ok with) in a given situation. I always set a few intentions before my day and when working with children, I always have strong boundaries around physical safety.
Honest self-reflection: I find the more that I am honest and face the challenges in my life, the easier it is to work through them. Sitting with challenging feelings is arguably the hardest thing we can do. It also can be a powerful tool for change. It may be helpful to seek professional guidance for this!
Good luck out there!! This work is challenging, but the best work you can do for you and your family. Enjoy the journey!